I've been honoring my state of near exhaustion from overscheduling and not enough down time, trying to avoid the full blown, muted shutdown. Medical appointments and important, stressful events outweighed and overwhelmed my existence these past two weeks.
It's weird, I oscillating between the highly functional, intelligent and capable adult versus the CHM, CPTSD, Autistic juvenile. It feels like primodial ooze just fermenting, pondering and questioning it's own existence and meaning. I've lost myself to the ravages of dealing with bureaucracy, medical needs and have-to-dos. I can't even think straight much less amuse myself and do things I enjoy. I kinda stop being for a bit...waiting...patiently...not...for my energy to return instead of this limbo lethargy.
Therapy...eh..i don't know...guess it's okay. The list of errands that can't be put off continues to grow, weighing heavily upon my malingering state.
It's a state of almost numb and slowed thought processes. It feels kinda like helplessness in that I can't do anything to change its course. I just have to wait it out.
My wrist is starting to feel better, less painful and a small amount of flexion. The need for pain medication, my ibuprofen has definitely dropped and I no longer require a stiff drink to escape the discomforting pain. It's manageable with signs of improvement.
It feels like lost, bogged down by fog and nothing exists beyond the front door. Like everything else, I'm aware it's temporary...without a concrete timetable.
So often...there are no answers...no help outside of my self. Just a nother day
It's weird, I oscillating between the highly functional, intelligent and capable adult versus the CHM, CPTSD, Autistic juvenile. It feels like primodial ooze just fermenting, pondering and questioning it's own existence and meaning. I've lost myself to the ravages of dealing with bureaucracy, medical needs and have-to-dos. I can't even think straight much less amuse myself and do things I enjoy. I kinda stop being for a bit...waiting...patiently...not...for my energy to return instead of this limbo lethargy.
Therapy...eh..i don't know...guess it's okay. The list of errands that can't be put off continues to grow, weighing heavily upon my malingering state.
It's a state of almost numb and slowed thought processes. It feels kinda like helplessness in that I can't do anything to change its course. I just have to wait it out.
My wrist is starting to feel better, less painful and a small amount of flexion. The need for pain medication, my ibuprofen has definitely dropped and I no longer require a stiff drink to escape the discomforting pain. It's manageable with signs of improvement.
It feels like lost, bogged down by fog and nothing exists beyond the front door. Like everything else, I'm aware it's temporary...without a concrete timetable.
So often...there are no answers...no help outside of my self. Just a nother day
