I hate being wet Wet Clothes

Argh, yesterday as I was moving the sprinkler, my shirt got soaking wet on one sleeve. It reminded me of how uncomfortable and downright irritating it is to have wet clothes.
I think it's a sensory overload thingy. You know, you accidentally get your sock wet and the neuro-typical tells you to "just ignore it," as its no big thing to them and the Aspie Can Not be okay and calm down until the offending clothing is off and replaced with something dry.
Geez, now this revelation explains why I was extremely bothered when, as a child growing up in a household that routinely had no clothes dryer, and we tried drying clothes for school with a hair dryer, which was only semi-successful, and I simply couldn't focus on school work or what the teacher was saying as I was irritated by the semi-wet socks, undergarments or shirts.
  Lately, I've started keeping a spare set of a complete outfit, pants, shirt, socks, etc. in a plastic bag in my car, just in case.
Being wet is a highly unpleasant experience that I try and avoid whenever possible. I know only other autistics and a few stray NT's will understand the depth of my dismay.
I'm just sayin'

It's hard to forget Aspergers & the Mind of an Elephant

The mind of an elephant = a really good memory, hard to forget things
It's difficult  for me to forget insults, slights, infractions and insults. Building trust, my bridge from me to thee, is a tedious brick by brick process. When something goes awry, there goes a brick or two. Hopefully the rest of the bridge remains intact and, over time, the missing brick, bricks is replaced.
It's easier for me to forget and move on from verbal injury. My issue is that I have an incredible visual memory, as most people with Aspergers do, and angry, insulting, demeaning  glances and facial expressions are much harder to let go of and move on.
It often feels like certain thoughts, events and looks are ingrained in stone. Challenging to break apart and separate from the forever.
Trust is huge for abuse survivors and, most definitely, Aspies.

Nick the Computer Guy, Lyme & Aspergers

My Childhood

I know my truth...I own it

Success and Failure

Searching for my soul

There's a part of me that is perfectly content to live entirely alone without human contact...it makes me sad

Photos of people, kids sleeping

I've been guilty of it myself, snapping a picture of my little honey fast asleep in the car seat, or passed out on the floor in his bedroom, too tired to get into bed.
In giving these "sleeping pics" a little bit of thought and seeing way too many of them on fb, I've stopped sharing. I've stopped looking, liking, commenting on sleeping pics. I think it's wrong, an invasion of personal space and trust.
People asleep are at their most vulnerable. They can't say, "leave me alone"..they can't give consent or agree...they are helpless and need to trust those around to protect and respect them.
Yes, sleeping kids are angelic, cute and adorable...but be careful who you share with. Think about how your child would feel.
I've stopped taking sleeping pics. I certainly am against anyone photographing me. It's bad enough I don't have an enclosed place to sleep without everyone hearing my snoring.
Sleeping is a private affair. No spectators please.

Laughter and Aspergers

I rarely laugh spontaneously. I caught myself laughing out loud as my silly puppy was attacking the water flowing out of the hose with vigor. She was getting herself completely soaking wet and it was hilarious.
A couple of days ago, I bought myself the new Lego Jurassic Park game and started playing. It reminded me of the first time I had ever seen a Lego game...firing at something and it bursting, breaking into small Lego pieces. It was at my friend, Amy's house and I could not stop laughing. I miss Amy. She moved away. One of the really fantastic friends I've ever had.
Laughter is an emotional response that is rarely natural for me. And, quite honestly, I have difficulty controlling the loudness, the timber of my voice. I've been told more than once to quiet down, or I remember the times I couldn't stop laughing and hurt someone's feelings in retrospect.
Maybe part of it is that I don't often get the jokes being told. Or I'm quite serious and find few things funny. I seem to notice if someone's laughing it's oft at someone else's expense. A lot of "humor" is deprecating and malicious. Yeah, I see things from a unique perspective.
Aspergers seems to feel like a very self-contained...wanting to self-control as much emotion as possible. Sigh, it feels like I've been put down and made fun of for my used-to-be spontaneous Outbursts of glee, extreme happiness and raucous laughter.
Hearing myself laugh...was foreign, odd. Maybe it was easier because I was alone with my puppy and no one else was around. It sounded..genuine, like from deep, down within myself in a place I had not tread.
Hmmm, fear, again rears it's ugly head. That perpetual, incessant fear of being made fun of and the remembrances of the hurt it caused me.
Sometimes it feels like Aspergers is trying to keep emotions, movements, words in check, 90% of the time. Quite disingenuous but socially acceptable. 10% of me is still free, uncontrollable and passionate. Not a healthy ratio by any means.
I'm spending a few days alone. I can only imagine what other intriguing bits of truth I'll find out about myself.
Be well

The Care & Feeding of the Autistic

She had no dreams